One Can Only Hope: Inspiring Exchanges—Straight from the Front

Love Exiles Canada
Messages In This Digest (3 Messages)
1a.
Support HRC!!! From: Vinny Philip
1b.
Re: Support HRC!!! From: jim osterman

Hi Tom and Dimi,

I havent’ wrote to you in a while so I hope you both are doing well dispite DOMA and the anti-gay agenda in America! I personally believe that we are so close to a Fed’l Judge or several Fed’l Judges overthrowing DOMA and paving the way for full Fed’l Rights for gays and lesbians in the US. It’s on our doorstep so be patient! F*** the Republican Party and their Hate Campaign against us, it’s not going to work with so many states voting in gay rights and benefits!

I work for the Fed’l Gov’t and I can’t put my partner onto my health insurance because of DOMA. I would have to pay $700 a month for Robert to have bad health insurance coverage as a self-employed person. Needless to say, he is uninsured. Gill vs US Office Of Personnel Management is going to be resolved soon and the Fed’l Employees will have health benefits for our same sex partners. It stands to reason that 5 States and the District has SS Marriage and they are going to have to honor our marriages! It’s against the Constitution to pose discrimination towards people because of Gender, (gender bias). I understand your frustration whole heartily but HRC is the only group that gets good Fed’l exposure. Prop 8 is CA. Yes it’s a big state and it’s needs to stay away from CA but HRC represents all of us, not just CA’s gays and lesbians.

In case you didn’t see this posting that I did a few days ago, I am sending it again!

Love Vinny and Robert
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

HI All,

This was posted by JR from Fair Org that I also am a subscriber to:

GREAT NEWS!!!! IS THIS THE START OF IMMIGRATION EQUALITY???

Dear Friends,

This is potentially GREAT news. Don’t pin all your hopes on it, but this is a first-of-its-kind, and something I never dreamed I’d see.

In short:

Today, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda, a married lesbian binational couple, asked a New York immigration judge to hold off on deporting the non-U.S. national in light of the Obama administration’s decision to stop defending DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act) — and the judge granted the request.

Again, no one knows where this is going — but I cannot help being encouraged.

I’ve blogged the story, with three different articles linked, here:

http://tinyurl.com/47fb3wk

Hang in there, my friends. This case may not be the end, but it may very well be the beginning of the end (or the end of the beginning!).

See also:

http://news.lavenderliberal.com/2011/03/22/congratulations-monica-alcota-and-cristina-ojeda-youve-cleared-the-first-hurdle/

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Jesus Christ

Congratulations, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda! You’ve Cleared the First Hurdle!

Barack Obama, Civil Rights, Immigration, Marriage Add comments
Mar 222011
It‚s no secret that same-sex binational immigration is an issue near and dear to my heart: I was involved in a binational relationship for seven years. The details are no one‚s business but my own (and my wife‚s, and my ex‚s), but in short, as I wrote nearly two years ago (and more than two years after that relationship ended, which tells you I had not then, and have not to this day, forgotten the unique pain of a forced, 8,000-mile separation) :

Anyone who has not experienced the particular and unique cruelty of the United States‚ discriminatory, anti-gay immigration law cannot begin to imagine the emotional anguish involved.

You think maintaining a bicoastal relationship is tough? It is, certainly ˜ but if three thousand miles is all the distance between you, thank your lucky stars you live in the same damned country, and when one of you puts the other on the plane home for the umpteenth time, neither of you is wondering and worrying that you may never see each other again because the government says you can‚t.
Partnered with a foreign national, you don‚t realize until all your options to stay together are exhausted that you are completely helpless, and completely hopeless. You will have four choices: Live together in another country, live underground in the U.S. (risking deportation for your partner, and jail time and fines for both of you), continue to live apart and burn through every penny you have on phone calls and plane tickets, or break up. That‚s all. There are no other choices.
And until you get to that point, you have no idea just how backwards the United States really is: The U.S. stands alone among western industrialized nations; no less than 25 counties ˜ including Australia, which has a federal ban on same-sex marriage, less-than gay-friendly countries such as Brazil, and almost-hysterically sexually-repressed countries such as Japan ˜ provide same-sex immigration rights.
To be an American in a same-sex binational relationship is a hell I wouldn‚t wish on∑
Well, there is one person I would wish it on, but that‚s another story, which you can read at the link above. (And, no, Bil Browning, I still haven‚t forgiven you for mocking me over that post ˜ but that, too, is another story.)

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Jesus Christ

To: tfernandez4@gmail.com
CC: Magicbarry@aol.com; tim@duohome.com; robbie@robertcheckoway.com; loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com; out4immigration@yahoogroups.com
From: tomiejd@gmail.com
Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2011 09:14:37 -0700
Subject: [loveexilesUK] Re: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

First I would like to thank everyone for getting on board this issue. It is when we clamor in a loud voice that we embrace the potential for change.
But in all of the responses I have read so far no one has addressed an issue which I believe is at the heart of the HRC action. These people are, if anything, a political lobbying group. They choose their frights carefully. They only want to fight a fight they know that they can win.
In this political climate, since November 2010, there is not a slim chance that UAFA will pass, nor will DOMA be repealed. It couldn’t even pass in the last congress, when the supposed liberal Democratic party had a majority. There is no chance of its passage now.
And we are not just dealing with a gay rights issue here, we are also asking for a revision of how the immigration laws are interpreted. That makes two hot bed issues in one bill.
HRC wants to be on the side that has won a fight. They want their name associated with victory. Sadly, our issue is a difficult struggle and in the short term, as far as any legislature is concerned, not something that is likely to win.
For that reason I have stated over and over again that our success will come from the courts. They may not like giving us our rights but in the end they will be forced to hold their nose and do just that. HRC and similar organizations will not receive any support from my partner nor myself. Our money and time is on Olson/Boise arguing that prop 8 is unconstitutional and the attempts to sue the Federal Government over DOMA.

Tom and Dimi

On 3/26/2011 6:10 AM, Todd Fernandez wrote:

The main problem with all of these groups, but HRC/NGLTF in particular is that they are non-democratic, with self-perpetuating boards that elect their own members, which are controlled by the staff really, with secret by-laws and articles of incorporation.

The NAACP by contrast has a democratic process of some sort, I’ve not studied yet, but plan to.

Given that HRC/NGLTF have failed to pass a single federal non-discrimination law in their entire history, I feel it’s time we push them to open up the secretive process by which they determine our legislative strategy, and give the people a voice in their own liberation.

But that is a tough thing to accomplish. They are built like impenetrable fortresses, immune to outside pressure, primarily to insulate themselves from community infighting. This is why they all have the wrong staff doing the wrong jobs, and are really about perpetuating the institution, and not winning equality (which would put them and their careers etc. out of business they think).

I was an ombudsman in Gov’t and have studied the role Civil Society plays in democracy and human rights, and I’ve never seen anything like our system.

It’s non-transparent, non-democratic, oligarchical and run by a monied elite. It hasn’t produced a mass-movement, and according to both the U.S. Attorney General, and the Judge in the Prop. 8 trial, we are a politically powerless minority still.

It’s rather upsetting, and I’m thinking about bringing a lawsuit to shake this up, but that too is a daunting task.

But HRC needs to be opened up – and made into a people’s organization. This little survey they put out is an attempt to assuage this reality, and give people the feeling of participation, but obviously it doesn’t give us any real power over strategy or direction.

Tif

On Fri, Mar 25, 2011 at 10:44 PM, wrote:

Tim,

I’m glad to see the activism focused on HRC. Not sure it will do much. For the last 25 years I and other bisexual activists tried to work with HRC, to train them, to push them.
With both the B and T communities that have proved to be unreliable, duplicitous, greedy, and backstabbing. They want our money, and they’re happy to have us volunteer as long as we don’t make too loud a fuss, but they won’t do much for us, and they won’t keep whatever promises they make.

NGLTF, on the other hand, has evolved over the last 20 years to be a very inclusive organization. Our work with them led to results, consistently.
GLAAD also has a much more inclusive and helpful record on B and T issues than HRC.

Barry Saiff

—–Original Message—–
From: Tim Kempf
To: robbie@robertcheckoway.com; Love Exiles UK group ; out4immigration
Sent: Fri, Mar 25, 2011 8:51 am
Subject: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

Hey Robbie!

Thank you for your post. I agree with you — we are a small niche within the greater LGBT community. However, I would argue that the “B’s” and the “T’s” are also a smaller niche within our greater community and certainly their concerns and specific issues are considered by HRC and similar organizations, especially when fund raising.

I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, but I am sick and tired of same-gender, binational couples always being “last in line.” As so many others have voiced here already, I absolutely want every one of those 1138 rights and benefits that DOMA denies my partner and I but, at the end of the day, I’d be content for now to just “be” with him. In addition to vile and putrid DOMA, existing US immigration laws deny us even that simple joy.

I see that your post i s signed “Robbie in Amsterdam” and that your post comes via Love Exiles. I am definitely not calling you out but I can only assume you are in Amsterdam because you could not be with the person you loved in America — am I right?

We must all get energized and DEMAND HRC include us in ALL their lobbying efforts going forward. The argument that “…that is what Immigration Equality is doing” is weak and ridiculous. IE does an amazing job, but they probably have less than one quarter the staff and probably one tenth the annual operating budget of HRC.

If HRC is indeed the most powerful and effective LGBT lobbying organization (their assertion), then they need to represent ALL of us, ALL the time.

I hate to sound like a broken record but, after nearly a decade of sustained, considerable effort by politicians, us and our shared supporters, the Uniting American Families Act had over 160 co-sponsors at the close of the last Congress. While some of those co-sponsors lost their seats in the last elections, there is still (I believe) an incredibly solid core of support for UAFA passage. I am in no position to dictate HRC policy but I think it almost a “no brainer” that they (HRC) should immediately resume the lobbying efforts to get UAFA re-introduced and passed as soon as possible. The decade of work invested already will make UAFA’s implementation and acceptance easier. In my opinion, when D OMA is repealed, I feel it will then BE a decade till we see any relief from that legislative action. There will be court challenges, reversals and court stays. It will be a long, drawn out victory to be sure.

UAFA already has a solid history of support. UAFA has been scrutinized and re-introduced for for the past several sessions of Congress. There have been public hearings. Why re-invent the wheel, so to speak?

If you are reading this and you haven’t already done so, I again ask you to PLEASE post a comment on HRC’s Facebook wall:

And please “LIKE” all the comments pertaining to same-gender, binational couples. Hopefully, one of the interns culling info from HRC’s Facebook page will notice the responses.

Also, I would ask that you write HRC directly via their website:

http://www.hrc.org/12022.htm

We will only get help in our situation if we demand it. My beloved partner “M” and I are doing all we can so that we can ALL be together with our loved ones in the country WE choose. Please help us and, in doing so, help yourselves.

Thanks for listening everyone!

Tim K in Cleveland, and my beloved “M”

To: loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com
From: robbie@robertcheckoway.com
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:54:51 +0100
Subject: Fwd: [loveexilesUK] My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

To be fair to HRC, their survey asks what is the most harmful. And their survey targets everyone in the community.

There are 1138 rights/privileges associated with legal marriage. You have to admit we are a niche issue affecting a very small portion of the community.

Though I heartily agree there should have been an “Other (fill in the blank)” option to answer the question!

Robbie in Amsterdam

Back to top Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post
Messages in this topic (3)
1b.
Re: Support HRC!!!
Posted by: “jim osterman” xyforsur@yahoo.com xyforsur
Sat Mar 26, 2011 4:00 pm (PDT)

I certaintly hope that the federal government recognizes gay marriages, & soon! I live in Montana, & my partner lives in Guadalajara, Mexico. It is unbelievably difficult for us, like hell imposed on us thru no fault of our own. Sheer mental torture & anguish, & getting really expensive. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! If I knew how to move to Canada, I would probably do it. Thanks for the info & updates.

— On Sat, 3/26/11, Vinny Philip wrote:

From: Vinny Philip
Subject: [LoveExilesCanada] Support HRC!!!
To: tomiejd@gmail.com, tfernandez4@gmail.com
Cc: magicbarry@aol.com, tim@duohome.com, robbie@robertcheckoway.com, loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com, out4immigration@yahoogroups.com, loveexilescanada@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, March 26, 2011, 4:49 PM

Â

Hi Tom and Dimi,
Â
I havent’ wrote to you in a while so I hope you both are doing well dispite DOMA and the anti-gay agenda in America! I personally believe that we are so close to a Fed’l Judge or several Fed’l Judges overthrowing DOMA and paving the way for full Fed’l Rights for gays and lesbians in the US. It’s on our doorstep so be patient! F*** the Republican Party and their Hate Campaign against us, it’s not going to work with so many states voting in gay rights and benefits!
Â
I work for the Fed’l Gov’t and I can’t put my partner onto my health insurance because of DOMA. I would have to pay $700 a month for Robert to have bad health insurance coverage as a self-employed person. Needless to say, he is uninsured. Gill vs US Office Of Personnel Management is going to be resolved soon and the Fed’l Employees will have health benefits for our same sex partners. It stands to reason that 5 States and the District has SS Marriage and they are going to have to honor our marriages! It’s against the Constitution to pose discrimination towards people because of Gender, (gender bias). I understand your frustration whole heartily but HRC is the only group that gets good Fed’l exposure. Prop 8 is CA. Yes it’s a big state and it’s needs to stay away from CA but HRC represents all of us, not just CA’s gays and lesbians.
Â
In case you didn’t see this posting that I did a few days ago, I am sending it again!
Â
Love Vinny and Robert
 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

HI All,
Â
This was posted by JR from Fair Org that I also am a subscriber to:
Â
Â
GREAT NEWS!!!! IS THIS THE START OF IMMIGRATION EQUALITY???
Â
Â
Dear Friends,
Â
This is potentially GREAT news. Don’t pin all your hopes on it, but this is a first-of-its-kind, and something I never dreamed I’d see.

In short:

Today, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda, a married lesbian binational couple, asked a New York immigration judge to hold off on deporting the non-U.S. national in light of the Obama administration’s decision to stop defending DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act) — and the judge granted the request.

Again, no one knows where this is going — but I cannot help being encouraged.

I’ve blogged the story, with three different articles linked, here:

http://tinyurl.com/47fb3wk

Hang in there, my friends. This case may not be the end, but it may very well be the beginning of the end (or the end of the beginning!).

Â
See also:
Â
http://news.lavenderliberal.com/2011/03/22/congratulations-monica-alcota-and-cristina-ojeda-youve-cleared-the-first-hurdle/
Â
Â

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”    – Jesus Christ

Â
Congratulations, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda! You’ve Cleared the First Hurdle!

Barack Obama, Civil Rights, Immigration, Marriage Add comments
Mar 222011
Itâ•˙s no secret that same-sex binational immigration is an issue near and dear to my heart: I was involved in a binational relationship for seven years. The details are no oneâ•˙s business but my own (and my wifeâ•˙s, and my exâ•˙s), but in short, as I wrote nearly two years ago (and more than two years after that relationship ended, which tells you I had not then, and have not to this day, forgotten the unique pain of a forced, 8,000-mile separation) :

Anyone who has not experienced the particular and unique cruelty of the United Statesâ•˙ discriminatory, anti-gay immigration law cannot begin to imagine the emotional anguish involved.
You think maintaining a bicoastal relationship is tough? It is, certainly ╉ but if three thousand miles is all the distance between you, thank your lucky stars you live in the same damned country, and when one of you puts the other on the plane home for the umpteenth time, neither of you is wondering and worrying that you may never see each other again because the government says you canâ•˙t.
Partnered with a foreign national, you donâ•˙t realize until all your options to stay together are exhausted that you are completely helpless, and completely hopeless. You will have four choices: Live together in another country, live underground in the U.S. (risking deportation for your partner, and jail time and fines for both of you), continue to live apart and burn through every penny you have on phone calls and plane tickets, or break up. Thatâ•˙s all. There are no other choices.
And until you get to that point, you have no idea just how backwards the United States really is: The U.S. stands alone among western industrialized nations; no less than 25 counties ╉ including Australia, which has a federal ban on same-sex marriage, less-than gay-friendly countries such as Brazil, and almost-hysterically sexually-repressed countries such as Japan ╉ provide same-sex immigration rights.
To be an American in a same-sex binational relationship is a hell I wouldnâ•˙t wish onâ•œ

Well, there is one person I would wish it on, but thatâ•˙s another story, which you can read at the link above. (And, no, Bil Browning, I still havenâ•˙t forgiven you for mocking me over that post ╉ but that, too, is another story.)
Â
Â

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”    – Jesus Christ

To: tfernandez4@gmail.com
CC: Magicbarry@aol.com; tim@duohome.com; robbie@robertcheckoway.com; loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com; out4immigration@yahoogroups.com
From: tomiejd@gmail.com
Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2011 09:14:37 -0700
Subject: [loveexilesUK] Re: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

Â

First I would like to thank everyone for getting on board this issue. It is when we clamor in a loud voice that we embrace the potential for change.
But in all of the responses I have read so far no one has addressed an issue which I believe is at the heart of the HRC action. These people are, if anything, a political lobbying group. They choose their frights carefully. They only want to fight a fight they know that they can win.
In this political climate, since November 2010, there is not a slim chance that UAFA will pass, nor will DOMA be repealed. It couldn’t even pass in the last congress, when the supposed liberal Democratic party had a majority. There is no chance of its passage now.
And we are not just dealing with a gay rights issue here, we are also asking for a revision of how the immigration laws are interpreted. That makes two hot bed issues in one bill.
HRC wants to be on the side that has won a fight. They want their name associated with victory. Sadly, our issue is a difficult struggle and in the short term, as far as any legislature is concerned, not something that is likely to win.
For that reason I have stated over and over again that our success will come from the courts. They may not like giving us our rights but in the end they will be forced to hold their nose and do just that. HRC and similar organizations will not receive any support from my partner nor myself. Our money and time is on Olson/Boise arguing that prop 8 is unconstitutional and the attempts to sue the Federal Government over DOMA.

Tom and Dimi

On 3/26/2011 6:10 AM, Todd Fernandez wrote:
Â
The main problem with all of these groups, but HRC/NGLTF in particular is that they are non-democratic, with self-perpetuating boards that elect their own members, which are controlled by the staff really, with secret by-laws and articles of incorporation.

The NAACP by contrast has a democratic process of some sort, I’ve not studied yet, but plan to. Â

Given that HRC/NGLTF have failed to pass a single federal non-discrimination law in their entire history, I feel it’s time we push them to open up the secretive process by which they determine our legislative strategy, and give the people a voice in their own liberation.

But that is a tough thing to accomplish. They are built like impenetrable fortresses, immune to outside pressure, primarily to insulate themselves from community infighting.  This is why they all have the wrong staff doing the wrong jobs, and are really about perpetuating the institution, and not winning equality (which would put them and their careers etc. out of business they think).

I was an ombudsman in Gov’t and have studied the role Civil Society plays in democracy and human rights, and I’ve never seen anything like our system.

It’s non-transparent, non-democratic, oligarchical and run by a monied elite.  It hasn’t produced a mass-movement, and according to both the U.S. Attorney General, and the Judge in the Prop. 8 trial, we are a politically powerless minority still.

It’s rather upsetting, and I’m thinking about bringing a lawsuit to shake this up, but that too is a daunting task.

But HRC needs to be opened up – and made into a people’s organization. This little survey they put out is an attempt to assuage this reality, and give people the feeling of participation, but obviously it doesn’t give us any real power over strategy or direction.

Tif

On Fri, Mar 25, 2011 at 10:44 PM, wrote:

Â

Tim,

I’m glad to see the activism focused on HRC. Not sure it will do much. For the last 25 years I and other bisexual activists tried to work with HRC, to train them, to push them.
With both the B and T communities that have proved to be unreliable, duplicitous, greedy, and backstabbing. They want our money, and they’re happy to have us volunteer as long as we don’t make too loud a fuss, but they won’t do much for us, and they won’t keep whatever promises they make.

NGLTF, on the other hand, has evolved over the last 20 years to be a very inclusive organization. Our work with them led to results, consistently.
GLAAD also has a much more inclusive and helpful record on B and T issues than HRC.

Barry Saiff

—–Original Message—–
From: Tim Kempf
To: robbie@robertcheckoway.com; Love Exiles UK group ; out4immigration
Sent: Fri, Mar 25, 2011 8:51 am
Subject: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

Â

Â
Hey Robbie!
Â
Thank you for your post.  I agree with you — we are a small niche within the greater LGBT community. However, I would argue that the “B’s” and the “T’s” are also a smaller niche within our greater community and certainly their concerns and specific issues are considered by HRC and similar organizations, especially when fund raising. Â
Â
I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, but I am sick and tired of same-gender, binational couples always being “last in line.” As so many others have voiced here already, I absolutely want every one of those 1138 rights and benefits that DOMA denies my partner and I but, at the end of the day, I’d be content for now to just “be” with him. In addition to vile and putrid DOMA, existing US immigration laws deny us even that simple joy.
Â
I see that your post i s signed “Robbie in Amsterdam” and that your post comes via Love Exiles. I am definitely not calling you out but I can only assume you are in Amsterdam because you could not be with the person you loved in America — am I right?  Â
Â
We must all get energized and DEMAND HRC include us in ALL their lobbying efforts going forward. The argument that “…that is what Immigration Equality is doing” is weak and ridiculous. IE does an amazing job, but they probably have less than one quarter the staff and probably one tenth the annual operating budget of HRC.Â
Â
If HRC is indeed the most powerful and effective LGBT lobbying organization (their assertion), then they need to represent ALL of us, ALL the time. Â
Â
I  hate to sound like a broken record but, after nearly a decade of sustained, considerable effort by politicians, us and our shared supporters, the Uniting American Families Act had over 160 co-sponsors at the close of the last Congress. While some of those co-sponsors lost their seats in the last elections, there is still (I believe) an incredibly solid core of support for UAFA passage. I am in no position to dictate HRC policy but I think it almost a “no brainer” that they (HRC) should immediately resume the lobbying efforts to get UAFA re-introduced and passed as soon as possible. The decade of work invested already will make UAFA’s implementation and acceptance easier. In my opinion, when D OMA is repealed, I feel it will then BE a decade till we see any relief from that legislative action.  There will be court challenges, reversals and court stays. It will be a long, drawn out victory to be sure.
Â
UAFA already has a solid history of support. UAFA has been scrutinized and re-introduced for for the past several sessions of Congress. There have been public hearings. Why re-invent the wheel, so to speak?
Â
If you are reading this and you haven’t already done so, I again ask you to PLEASE post a comment on HRC’s Facebook wall:
Â

And please “LIKE” all the comments pertaining to same-gender, binational couples. Hopefully, one of the interns culling info from HRC’s Facebook page will notice the responses.
Â
Also, I would ask that you write HRC directly via their website:Â
Â
http://www.hrc.org/12022.htm

We will only get help in our situation if we demand it.  My beloved partner “M” and I are doing all we can so that we can ALL be together with our loved ones in the country WE choose. Please help us and, in doing so, help yourselves.
Â
Thanks for listening everyone!
Â
Tim K in Cleveland, and my beloved “M”
Â

Â

To: loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com
From: robbie@robertcheckoway.com
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:54:51 +0100
Subject: Fwd: [loveexilesUK] My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey

Â

To be fair to HRC, their survey asks what is the most harmful. And their survey targets everyone in the community.Â

There are 1138 rights/privileges associated with legal marriage. You have to admit we are a niche issue affecting a very small portion of the community.Â

Though I heartily agree there should have been an “Other (fill in the blank)” option to answer the question!

Robbie in Amsterdam

Â

Back to top Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post
Messages in this topic (3)
1c.
Re: Support HRC!!!
Posted by: “carmen” zuma1971@yahoo.com zuma1971
Sat Mar 26, 2011 7:42 pm (PDT)

Jim, if you want info on how to move to Canada please contact me… I started
the process about 2 years ago and my case has been finalized and will be moving
there very soon!

________________________________
From: jim osterman
To: LoveExilesCanada@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, March 26, 2011 7:00:34 PM
Subject: Re: [LoveExilesCanada] Support HRC!!!

I certaintly hope that the federal government recognizes gay marriages, & soon!
I live in Montana, & my partner lives in Guadalajara, Mexico. It is unbelievably
difficult for us, like hell imposed on us thru no fault of our own. Sheer mental
torture & anguish, & getting really expensive. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst
enemy! If I knew how to move to Canada, I would probably do it. Thanks for the
info & updates.

— On Sat, 3/26/11, Vinny Philip wrote:

>From: Vinny Philip
>Subject: [LoveExilesCanada] Support HRC!!!
>To: tomiejd@gmail.com, tfernandez4@gmail.com
>Cc: magicbarry@aol.com, tim@duohome.com, robbie@robertcheckoway.com,
>loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com, out4immigration@yahoogroups.com,
>loveexilescanada@yahoogroups.com
>Date: Saturday, March 26, 2011, 4:49 PM
>
>
>
>Hi Tom and Dimi,
>
>I havent’ wrote to you in a while so I hope you both are doing well dispite DOMA
>and the anti-gay agenda in America! I personally believe that we are so close to
>a Fed’l Judge or several Fed’l Judges overthrowing DOMA and paving the way for
>full Fed’l Rights for gays and lesbians in the US. It’s on our doorstep so be
>patient! F*** the Republican Party and their Hate Campaign against us, it’s not
>going to work with so many states voting in gay rights and benefits!
>
>I work for the Fed’l Gov’t and I can’t put my partner onto my health insurance
>because of DOMA. I would have to pay $700 a month for Robert to have bad health
>insurance coverage as a self-employed person. Needless to say, he is uninsured.
>Gill vs US Office Of Personnel Management is going to be resolved soon and the
>Fed’l Employees will have health benefits for our same sex partners. It stands
>to reason that 5 States and the District has SS Marriage and they are going to
>have to honor our marriages! It’s against the Constitution to pose
>discrimination towards people because of Gender, (gender bias). I understand
>your frustration whole heartily but HRC is the only group that gets good
>Fed’l exposure. Prop 8 is CA. Yes it’s a big state and it’s needs to stay away
>from CA but HRC represents all of us, not just CA’s gays and lesbians.
>
>
>In case you didn’t see this posting that I did a few days ago, I am sending it
>again!
>
>
>Love Vinny and Robert
>
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
>
>HI All,
>
>This was posted by JR from Fair Org that I also am a subscriber to:
>
>
>GREAT NEWS!!!! IS THIS THE START OF IMMIGRATION EQUALITY???
>
>
>Dear Friends,
>
>This is potentially GREAT news. Don’t pin all your hopes on it, but this is a
>first-of-its-kind, and something I never dreamed I’d see.
>
>
>In short:
>
>Today, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda, a married lesbian binational couple,
>asked a New York immigration judge to hold off on deporting the non-U.S.
>national in light of the Obama administration’s decision to stop defending DOMA
>(the Defense of Marriage Act) — and the judge granted the request.
>
>
>Again, no one knows where this is going — but I cannot help being encouraged.
>
>I’ve blogged the story, with three different articles linked, here:
>
>http://tinyurl.com/47fb3wk
>
>Hang in there, my friends. This case may not be the end, but it may very well be
>the beginning of the end (or the end of the beginning!).
>
>
>See also:
>
>http://news.lavenderliberal.com/2011/03/22/congratulations-monica-alcota-and-cristina-ojeda-youve-cleared-the-first-hurdle/
>
>
>
>
>”Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Jesus Christ
>
>
>Congratulations, Monica Alcota and Cristina Ojeda! You’ve Cleared the First
>Hurdle!
>
>Barack Obama, Civil Rights, Immigration, MarriageAdd comments
>Mar 222011
>Itâ•˙s no secret that same-sex binational immigration is an issue near and dear to
>my heart: I was involved in a binational relationship for seven years. The
>details are no oneâ•˙s business but my own (and my wifeâ•˙s, and my exâ•˙s), but in
>short, as I wrote nearly two years ago(and more than two years after that
>relationship ended, which tells you I had not then, and have not to this day,
>forgotten the unique pain of a forced, 8,000-mile separation) :
>
>Anyone who has not experienced the particular and unique cruelty of the United
>Statesâ•˙ discriminatory, anti-gay immigration law cannot begin to imagine the
>emotional anguish involved.
>
>>You think maintaining a bicoastal relationship is tough? It is, certainly ╉ but
>>if three thousand miles is all the distance between you, thank your lucky stars
>>you live in the same damned country, and when one of you puts the other on the
>>plane home for the umpteenth time, neither of you is wondering and worrying that
>>you may never see each other again because the government says you canâ•˙t.
>>Partnered with a foreign national, you donâ•˙t realize until all your options to
>>stay together are exhausted that you are completely helpless, and completely
>>hopeless. You will have four choices: Live together in another country, live
>>underground in the U.S. (risking deportation for your partner, and jail time
>>and fines for both of you), continue to live apart and burn through every penny
>>you have on phone calls and plane tickets, or break up. Thatâ•˙s all. There are no
>>other choices.
>>And until you get to that point, you have no idea just how backwards the United
>>States really is: The U.S. stands alone among western industrialized nations; no
>>less than 25 counties ╉ including Australia, which has a federal ban on same-sex
>>marriage, less-than gay-friendly countries such as Brazil, and
>>almost-hysterically sexually-repressed countries such as Japan ╉ provide
>>same-sex immigration rights.
>>To be an American in a same-sex binational relationship is a hell I wouldnâ•˙t
>>wish on╜
>>
>>Well, there is one person I would wish it on, but thatâ•˙s another story, which
>>you can read at the link above. (And, no, Bil Browning, I still havenâ•˙t
>>forgiven you for mocking me over that post ╉ but that, too, is another story.)

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Jesus Christ

________________________________
To: tfernandez4@gmail.com
>CC: Magicbarry@aol.com; tim@duohome.com; robbie@robertcheckoway.com;
>loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com; out4immigration@yahoogroups.com
>From: tomiejd@gmail.com
>Date: Sat, 26 Mar 2011 09:14:37 -0700
>Subject: [loveexilesUK] Re: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding
>online DOMA survey
>
>
>First I would like to thank everyone for getting on board this issue. It is when
>we clamor in a loud voice that we embrace the potential for change.
>But in all of the responses I have read so far no one has addressed an issue
>which I believe is at the heart of the HRC action. These people are, if
>anything, a political lobbying group. They choose their frights carefully. They
>only want to fight a fight they know that they can win.
>In this political climate, since November 2010, there is not a slim chance that
>UAFA will pass, nor will DOMA be repealed. It couldn’t even pass in the last
>congress, when the supposed liberal Democratic party had a majority. There is no
>chance of its passage now.
>
>And we are not just dealing with a gay rights issue here, we are also asking
>for a revision of how the immigration laws are interpreted. That makes two hot
>bed issues in one bill.
>
>HRC wants to be on the side that has won a fight. They want their name
>associated with victory. Sadly, our issue is a difficult struggle and in the
>short term, as far as any legislature is concerned, not something that is likely
>to win.
>
>For that reason I have stated over and over again that our success will come
>from the courts. They may not like giving us our rights but in the end they will
>be forced to hold their nose and do just that. HRC and similar organizations
>will not receive any support from my partner nor myself. Our money and time is
>on Olson/Boise arguing that prop 8 is unconstitutional and the attempts to sue
>the Federal Government over DOMA.
>
>Tom and Dimi
>
>
>
>On 3/26/2011 6:10 AM, Todd Fernandez wrote:
>
>>The main problem with all of these groups, but HRC/NGLTF in particular is that
>>they are non-democratic, with self-perpetuating boards that elect their own
>>members, which are controlled by the staff really, with secret by-laws and
>>articles of incorporation.
>>
>>The NAACP by contrast has a democratic process of some sort, I’ve not studied
>>yet, but plan to.
>>
>>
>>Given that HRC/NGLTF have failed to pass a single federal non-discrimination law
>>in their entire history, I feel it’s time we push them to open up the secretive
>>process by which they determine our legislative strategy, and give the people a
>>voice in their own liberation.
>>
>>But that is a tough thing to accomplish. They are built like impenetrable
>>fortresses, immune to outside pressure, primarily to insulate themselves from
>>community infighting. This is why they all have the wrong staff doing the
>>wrong jobs, and are really about perpetuating the institution, and not winning
>>equality (which would put them and their careers etc. out of business they
>>think).
>>
>>I was an ombudsman in Gov’t and have studied the role Civil Society plays in
>>democracy and human rights, and I’ve never seen anything like our system.
>>
>>It’s non-transparent, non-democratic, oligarchical and run by a monied elite.
>>It hasn’t produced a mass-movement, and according to both the U.S. Attorney
>>General, and the Judge in the Prop. 8 trial, we are a politically powerless
>>minority still.
>>
>>It’s rather upsetting, and I’m thinking about bringing a lawsuit to shake this
>>up, but that too is a daunting task.
>>
>>But HRC needs to be opened up – and made into a people’s organization. This
>>little survey they put out is an attempt to assuage this reality, and give
>>people the feeling of participation, but obviously it doesn’t give us any real
>>power over strategy or direction.
>>
>>Tif
>>
>>
>>
>>On Fri, Mar 25, 2011 at 10:44 PM, wrote:
>>
>>
>>>Tim,
>>>
>>>I’m glad to see the activism focused on HRC. Not sure it will do much. For the
>>>last 25 years I and other bisexual activists tried to work with HRC, to train
>>>them, to push them.
>>>With both the B and T communities that have proved to be unreliable,
>>>duplicitous, greedy, and backstabbing. They want our money, and they’re happy to
>>>have us volunteer as long as we don’t make too loud a fuss, but they won’t do
>>>much for us, and they won’t keep whatever promises they make.
>>>
>>>NGLTF, on the other hand, has evolved over the last 20 years to be a very
>>>inclusive organization. Our work with them led to results, consistently.
>>>GLAAD also has a much more inclusive and helpful record on B and T issues than
>>>HRC.
>>>
>>>Barry Saiff
>>>
>>>—–Original Message—–
>>>From: Tim Kempf
>>>To: robbie@robertcheckoway.com; Love Exiles UK group
>>>; out4immigration
>>>
>>>Sent: Fri, Mar 25, 2011 8:51 am
>>>Subject: [out4immigration] RE: My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Hey Robbie!
>>>
>>>Thank you for your post. I agree with you — we are a small niche within the
>>>greater LGBT community. However, I would argue that the “B’s” and the “T’s” are
>>>also a smaller niche within our greater community and certainly their concerns
>>>and specific issues are considered by HRC and similar organizations, especially
>>>when fund raising.
>>>
>>>I cannot speak for anyone other than myself, but I am sick and tired of
>>>same-gender, binational couples always being “last in line.” As so many others
>>>have voiced here already, I absolutely want every one of those 1138 rights and
>>>benefits that DOMA denies my partner and I but, at the end of the day, I’d be
>>>content for now to just “be” with him. In addition to vile and putrid DOMA,
>>>existing US immigration laws deny us even that simple joy.
>>>
>>>I see that your post i s signed “Robbie in Amsterdam” and that your post comes
>>>via Love Exiles. I am definitely not calling you out but I can only assume you
>>>are in Amsterdam because you could not be with the person you loved in America
>>>— am I right?
>>>
>>>We must all get energized and DEMAND HRC include us in ALL their lobbying
>>>efforts going forward. The argument that “…that is what Immigration Equality
>>>is doing” is weak and ridiculous. IE does an amazing job, but they probably
>>>have less than one quarter the staff and probably one tenth the annual operating
>>>budget of HRC.
>>>
>>>
>>>If HRC is indeed the most powerful and effective LGBT lobbying organization
>>>(their assertion), then they need to represent ALL of us, ALL the time.
>>>
>>>I hate to sound like a broken record but, after nearly a decade of sustained,
>>>considerable effort by politicians, us and our shared supporters, the Uniting
>>>American Families Act had over 160 co-sponsors at the close of the last
>>>Congress. While some of those co-sponsors lost their seats in the last
>>>elections, there is still (I believe) an incredibly solid core of support for
>>>UAFA passage. I am in no position to dictate HRC policy but I think it almost a
>>>”no brainer” that they (HRC) should immediately resume the lobbying efforts to
>>>get UAFA re-introduced and passed as soon as possible. The decade of work
>>>invested already will make UAFA’s implementation and acceptance easier. In my
>>>opinion, when D OMA is repealed, I feel it will then BE a decade till we see any
>>>relief from that legislative action. There will be court challenges, reversals
>>>and court stays. It will be a long, drawn out victory to be sure.
>>>
>>>UAFA already has a solid history of support. UAFA has been scrutinized and
>>>re-introduced for for the past several sessions of Congress. There have been
>>>public hearings. Why re-invent the wheel, so to speak?
>>>
>>>If you are reading this and you haven’t already done so, I again ask you to
>>>PLEASE post a comment on HRC’s Facebook wall:
>>>
>>>https://www.facebook.com/humanrightscampaign/posts/202212629802970
>>>
>>>And please “LIKE” all the comments pertaining to same-gender, binational
>>>couples. Hopefully, one of the interns culling info from HRC’s Facebook page
>>>will notice the responses.
>>>
>>>Also, I would ask that you write HRC directly via their website:
>>>
>>>http://www.hrc.org/12022.htm
>>>
>>>We will only get help in our situation if we demand it. My beloved partner “M”
>>>and I are doing all we can so that we can ALL be together with our loved ones in
>>>the countryWE choose. Please help us and, in doing so, help yourselves.
>>>
>>>Thanks for listening everyone!
>>>
>>>Tim K in Cleveland, and my beloved “M”
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
________________________________
To: loveexilesuk@yahoogroups.com
>>>From: robbie@robertcheckoway.com
>>>Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:54:51 +0100
>>>Subject: Fwd: [loveexilesUK] My e-mail to HRC regarding online DOMA survey
>>>
>>>
>>>To be fair to HRC, their survey asks what is the most harmful. And their survey
>>>targets everyone in the community.
>>>
>>>
>>>There are 1138 rights/privileges associated with legal marriage. You have to
>>>admit we are a niche issue affecting a very small portion of the community.
>>>
>>>
>>>Though I heartily agree there should have been an “Other (fill in the blank)”
>>>option to answer the question!
>>>
>>>
>>>Robbie in Amsterdam
>>>
>>>

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~ by Thom on March 27, 2011.

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